I Humbly Dissent - Part II

[Admin Tyler]

Oswald yelled into the telephone. "Tell him to get his ass back here to D.C. before I have to fly out there and drag him back. If he's more concerned about watching bombs fall on splotches of oil in the Pacific Ocean than watching nukes falling over the Middle East and the Israeli people, then he needs to get his priorities straightened out. He's the god damn President of the United States and unless he's flying one of those fighter jets he's not doing anything useful. As far as I'm concerned there are about a hundred world leaders he could be talking to right now to straighten out the situation in the Middle East before M1 Abrahms are rolling into Teheran!"

Oswald listened as an angry aide shouted back at him across the receiver. A few 'uh-huhs' came out of Oswald's mouth as the aide desperately talked back at Oswald.

"Tell him to get back here now before I beat him with my cane! And tell him that word for word!"

The phone slammed down onto the table. He missed his mark with hand shaking, and picked it up and placed it on the receiver. Still trembling, he began writing his next fundraising speech but gave up after fumbling around with the pen for a minute. The nerve of that man. He marched off to take a ride to the Hill to take care of some more business.

[Admin Tyler]

Oswald took his hat and coat off and hung it near the door. Moving over to his desk he sat down to answer the ringing phone.

"He's meeting with who???" he said surprised into the other end of the phone. "I see, how did you find out about this?" The conversation continued for a few more minutes before Oswald hung up. He rubbed his index finger and thumb and thought to himself.

Oswald's aide, Cory Arland, knocked quietly on the door and entered. "Ah, Cory, you're just the person I wanted to see." The young aide responded, "I have those aerial photos you requested." Arland plopped a manila folder onto the Vice President's desk before the elderly statesman thumbed through the photos of the oil spill in the Pacific. "Looks pretty bad," muttered Oswald peering through his bifocals. He leaned back in his chair with the series of photos spread out over his desk. He thought about the devastation drawing nearer and near, until his thoughts moved to another desperate situation that was quickly becoming a potential crisis. He had reached a decision though, and knew what he needed to do.

"Cory, get President Putin of Russia on the line," stately the Vice President reluctantly. "Huh?" Arland was taken aback by the request. "The only thing I can think of that might work is to get the Russies to apply pressure on Teheran. Either that or have them back us up at least."

"Mr. Vice President, I think you've lost it this time," Arland began. "One, the Russians have this little nuclear deal set up with the Iranians they don't exactly want to back out on. Two, Russia didn't exactly support us when we went to war with Iraq. Three, why would Putin listen to you?"

Oswald scanned the photographs carefully once more. "You know, I've asked myself those same questions." Oswald gathered his thoughts, and began to present his argument to the intern.

"Although Russian signed a deal with Iran, there was very strict language that the material traded with the Iranians would not be used for weapons. Bush and Putin agreed to this when they met in Slovakia in 2005, but you know as well as I know this isn't a very sound basis on which to make my argument. When you deal with a Russian, give the Russian what he really wants."

"You know the Ukraine might also turn into a debacle if the US decides to start prodding the situation along. I think Putin won't mind if I pitched a guarantee to keep our noses out of the situation. Otherwise...the US might launch a massive voting fraud investigation and try to connect Putin to the irregularities," began. "I think his popularity might not be so high with an investigation of that nature." Beginning a new thought, he quickly said, "Why will he listen to me? What Russian President wouldn't jump at the chance to to undermine the United State's Presidents' authority? Although the Soviet Union is gone, the competition is still there. He knows I'm not Warder's lackey and that I'd be speaking for myself. If God for some damn reason decides to let me succeed at convincing him to get the Iranians to back off or disarm or what-the-hell-ever, think of the credit that Putin would get instead of Warder."

"Lastly, Russia and China aren't exactly friends in this day and age. The two are competing for oil in Central Asia and they are both trying to one up each other. Russia is trying to hold onto his traditional allies and former Soviet states in the region; while China is building pipelines, delivering arms, and buying up land. I don't think Russia would mind seeing China set back in the region."

"Besides, he could just do it all in the name of honoring the agreement that him and Bush made earlier."

"Shouldn't you tell the President?" said Arland, picking up the photographs and placing them back in the folder. "Nah, he would do the same thing in my shoes," he said smiling. He liked the President, but he enjoyed keeping the man's ego in check.

Arland responded, "Well, sir, if you pull this off a major diplomatic coup to you. If not, there'll be hell to pay." Oswald, leaning back, held his hand over the receiver, "Who knows, we might be on the verge of World War Three if China decides to stick by Iran. Oh well, I've been in worse situations. I'll just see what I can get from him, if anything." Oswald removed his hand from receiver.

"President Putin?"

[Rick Warder]

Vladimir Putin was hunched over his desk, a half-emptied bottle of vodka within arm's reach. In one hand was a full shot glass, in the other a pen. The Russian president was signing legislation which had just passed through the Duma to 'further streamline the legislative process'.

Then the phone rang. He raised the vodka to his lips, drank it down swiftly, and then hit pause on his computer's media player, which was filling the office with the mournful notes of the Hymn of the Volga Boatmen. Vladimir Putin picked up the phone: "Dobray dien? Ahh... Vice Presidyent Oswald. I hev heard a lot about you. How are you handling - heh - how are you handling Presidyent Warder? Yes? Very good? Ah, I am heppy for you. So, you vant to talk about Iran? Ha hah-hah! Very well... I know all about Iran..."

The Russian president listened patiently as Oswald explained his stance, and then he began to laugh. "I see. So you tink dat I had somethink to do with the voting irregularities in the Ukraine? No, I did not. If you vant to investigate, go ahead. Even if I did have sometink to do with that, it would be so well covered up dat you would never find it out. So, you vant my help in getting Iran to disarm de nukular vepins? Well, what do you hev to offer the Motherland in exchange?"

[Admin Tyler]

"Mr. Putin, even if you aren't associated with the voting irregularities, do you really have to want to undergo the intense scrutiny of a long drawn out investigation into the matter," said Oswald into the telephone, dragging out the last half of that statement. "...the international community poking and prodding around. You know, I've served in the Senate for a long time and have quite a few friends. I'm sure they'd be more than happy to let it go as mere superstition if you help us out."

"Besides, do you really want China to have a new nuclear capable ally that is supplying them oil? Especially an ally that your country has worked so hard to cultivate a relationship over the years. One now that would rather work with them than you nowadays? Of course, unless you don't have any good connections with the Iranians any more and you won't even be able to get rid of a toothpick let alone nuclear warheads..."

Putin yelled back into the receiver, "Of course we hev the connyections! We are the Russians, aren't we?"

Oswald responded kindly, "Indeed you are. And that's why you'll do it. Because the Russians will accomplish something Warder has failed to do as of yet; disarm Iran without armed conflict."

Putin responded, "You still haven't answered my question, what is it that you are offering?"

Oswald said, "Nothing, actually."

Putin laughed and responded, "You want me to do this for free?"

Oswald leaned back and smiled. "You'll have my sincere admiration and respect in addition to the free peoples of the world."

Putin responded, "And why should I care what you think?"

Oswald leaned forward, "Because when I'm President of the United States, you'll know there's someone in the White House that's on your side."

[Rick Warder]

For a moment, Vladimir Putin stopped his vodka-induced laughing and got serious: "If you want me to help you, you'll have to give me security. I want classified documents on U.S. anti-terrorism capabilities, and I want classified information on your anti-missile defense systems. If you give me that, then, if you are still alive, manage to get the Republican nomination, and also win, then... well, have it your way. I have an oil pipeline deal with the Iranians which I can cancel, and I will be able to shut off Iran's exports if they do not back down, issue apologies, and so on; but I cannot promise that they will end their nuclear program. It's your choice. You make your decision, then fly over to Moscow and we'll talk this over in private."

Putin then hung up the receiver.

[Admin Tyler]

Oswald read through the new press release and the recent comminiques he had made with the Chinese embassy. Though the communiques had been extremely limited up to this point, it was enough to get the Russian President's attention. "Mr. Putin," he said aloud to himself in his office, "the ball is in your court now."