Press Office of William Reynolds

[William Reynolds]

PRESS OFFICE OF REPRESENTATIVE WILLIAM REYNOLDS

Representing the 2nd District of Illinois

[William Reynolds]

Reynolds: Republicans Back in Typical Form

Representative William Reynolds released a statement today which roundly condemned the recently released GOP attack ad.

"You know, I hadn't even gotten the chance this year to say that I hoped that both parties would be able to conduct themselves with dignity and respect in the coming elections. Unfortunately, I see that the Republican Party is in typical form. They think Americans can be scared into voting for them. Happily, we know that they will be proved wrong. Americans are not stupid and they are not cowards. Republican scare tactics are not going to work on the brave men and women who populate our unique nation."

Reynolds continued on to say, "As best as I can see, Democrats asked the Republicans for a plan and refused to support a resolution that would let President Warder create a second Iraq mess out of what should be a fairly simple foreign policy issue. We all saw the Republican response to this simple question in their ad. Well, they will see that their actions are fruitless. Democrats will continue to offer a solid, unified vision for a safe, strong, and sensible nation. The Republicans can recycle footage of mushrooms clouds as much as they want. It still doesn't amount to good policy making."

[William Reynolds]

Representative Reynolds on Fundraising Spree

Perhaps in preparation for the coming campaigning season, Representative William Reynolds from Illinois has begun a personal fundraising blitz in the past week. He has spoken at length before a large fundraiser sponsored by Veterans of Foreign Wars and the American Legion, as well as making notable appearances at a local gathering organized by the NAACP. The next day, Reynolds was seen speaking before the Chicagoland Chamber of Commerce in what is planned to be the first of several meetings.

When contacted about the scope and sudden jump in his fundraising efforts, the grizzled Representative Reynolds took a little time out of his busy schedule to tell an Illinois reporter, "My father always taught me that if you see a problem that needs fixing, you take care of it yourself. The Democratic Party needs more money if we're going to fix this country's problems, so I'm going to go find it for them." Reynolds winked and continued, "Speaking of which, you wouldn't happen to want to donate anything would you? I hear the Republicans have an atrocious record in regards to freedom of the press." Reynolds reportedly retired for the day with twenty dollars in hand.

[William Reynolds]

Reynolds Introduces Election Tuesday Act of 2009

With the support of President Warder, Representative William Reynolds has introduced legislation to make Election Tuesday a national holiday. Reynolds had recently promised representatives of the NAACP that he would support such a move, and has apparently made good on his promise.

In a brief interview on the subject, Representative Reynolds told reporters, "I'm really happy we got this legislation going. It hasn't been selected by the Republicans yet to actually be debated within the House, but I'm very hopeful that we'll see some movement on this Bill since it has the full support of President Warder. My goal in introducing this bill was to help the poor people get out to vote, I don't view it as a partisan issue. All of America would benefit from the passage of this bill; all the Republicans have to do is put aside paritsan squabbling and do what's right for our country."

[William Reynolds]

Reynolds Appointed DNC Chairman

Representative William Reynolds has been appointed Chairman of DNC. Reynolds spoke to reporters briefly after the event saying, "It's time to get our acts in gear. The Republicans, whether they like to admit it or not, are splintering under the leadership of President Warder. I promise that the Democratic Party will pick up fundraising efforts during this final stretch before the election. It's time we took back America for its people, not radicals whose politics fly in the face of the beliefs of our founding fathers."

[William Reynolds]

Reynolds Back on Fundraising Blitz

Recently appointed DNC Chairman William Reynolds has finished off another fundraising campaign, after making speeches at events sponsored by the American Civil Liberties Union, the pro-choice group Planned Parenthood, and the socially progressive PAC Democracy for America.

Representative Reynolds was very pleased by the huge levels of support for the Democratic Party he encountered while campaigning in the Chicago area. By having wealthy donor groups come to him in Chicago, Representative Reynolds has managed to maintain his presence in D.C. as well as staying in touch with his constituents by limiting his travel. Reynolds told reporters that he was "extremely optimistic" about the Democratic Party's chances in the coming elections and that he had high hopes that the fundraising deficit the Democrats have been experiencing would be eliminated within the next couple of weeks.

[William Reynolds]

Reynolds Has Praise for Representative Taggert

Reynolds spoke to reporters in Washington, D.C., saying "It is my pleasure to see Representative Taggert, another former military man, step across the aisle and vote against the ill-conceived Defense Research and Development Act. This act, opposed by the Democratic Party, is just another waste of Americans' money to bloated projects that do nothing to protect the American Soldier. It is time we replace Congressional pork with real military programs that help our country and improve our ability to wage war with a minimal loss of American life."

[William Reynolds]

Reynolds: Finds Representative Orenda Naaz Jackson-Cortez Humorous

When confronted with reporters after the vitriolic and over the top interview given by Republican Representative Jackson-Cortez, Representative Reynolds had this to say to reporters:

"I find it humorous that Ms. Jackson-Cortez would go out of her way to call a black man like me racist towards other blacks. That does, indeed, make a lot of sense. Her statement that intelligent blacks are Republicans I find equally humorous, as over 90% of African-Americans vote Democrat. So I assume that the tiny minority of African-Americans who vote the way Ms. Jackson-Cortez does are all the 'smart' ones. Well I guess you'll just have to call me stupid."

*laughter*

"Seriously though, Ms. Jackson-Cortez is a minority Republican. You run into them from time to time. Most of the time they fit the Jackson-Cortez mold. Like Ms. Rice from the Bush years, Representative Cortez is an openly white man who happens to be in the body of a minority woman. Lord knows how it happened, but at least she seems comfortable with herself."

[William Reynolds]

Reynolds: 'Sorry, I'm Keeping My Good Mood'

Asked to comment again on Representative Jackson-Cortez's statements, Representative William Reynolds kept it brief:

"To begin with, I must say, as flattered as I am by the implication, I'm not the Democratic Party's leader. Both Representative Jenkins and Senator Shea have a far better claim than I to that title. I just organize a lot of the campaigning and, frankly, don't even do most of that.

I will say, however, that it's very easy for a well-to-do, board-of-directors serving 'minority' to call a honest black man a racist. I grew up poor, just like most African-Americans in this country, and I'm not afraid to admit it. And the Democratic Party represents the interests of people like me, which is why I vote Democrat and that's why 90% of African-Americans vote Democrat. It's pretty simple. Nor did I ever say that any black person who disagreed with me was secretly a white man. I didn't with everything Malcolm X said, but that man was most DEFINITELY black.

Regardless, folks, if Ms. Jackson-Cortez wants to be a Republican, I say God Bless. Her sort of intolerance and pessimism belongs in that party. Now, I don't know about you, but I've got a block party to go to! WHO HERE HASN'T REGISTERED TO VOTE YET?!?"

Representative Reynolds then proceeded to drag off several still-laughing members of the press to the nearest registration booth.